Sunday, July 18, 2010

Okay I'm just going to say it...

This weird space I'm in...

Not so weird. I know exactly what it is.

Just don't know how to say it without sounding like I'm ungrateful, because I am extremely thankful and know I am truly blessed.

That doesn't change the space I'm in.

I'm tired.
I'm frustrated.
I'm disappointed.

Here's the thing. Justlife24seven is just that....24/7. My husband and I do not get a break.

We do not have anyone helping us with the kids.

I tell people all the time, "we do our own stunts."

It's becoming a problem.

I honestly do not think there is a couple who works better as a team than my husband and I do. We were best friends for years. I get him and he gets me-the good, the bad and the ugly.

However, life with it's demands...
it's not even life's demands, it's kids with demands.

We get NO break. There is NO air. There is NO space. The days and nights are blurring together. I feel like we are running on fumes. I don't know how long we can run like this.

Most of my frustration is because we do not get help from our parents. I am old and wise enough to know it is not my parents responsibility to raise my children and believe me, that is the last thing I am trying to insinuate.

What I was hoping is that our parents would take a greater interest in the lives of our children. I honestly thought when we had children the grandparents would want to spend their free time with them and develop a relationship with them.

Not the case.

Currently the grandparents come to visit 3-4 times a year. I live in Delaware, they live in NJ. Not hours on a plane. 2 hours in a car.

I have spent years trying to let that fact go and move forward. I'm not doing well with that right now, but I realize for the health of my marriage, I have to move away from this notion of our families pitching in and helping and seek help elsewhere.

I know my limit and I have reached it.